Before I was diagnosed with the disease (bipolar), I was into drugs, alcohol, sex and rock and roll music. Those things ruled my life. I was sent off to a psychiatric hospital when I was just 16. I remember one of the staff members carrying me out one night (we would get passes to go out for the evening) and you would not believe where he took me? To a topless bar! I thought I was in paradise. I never told on him either. I thought it was fine to go to a topless bar.
I thought I could battle this bi-polar disease, but thinking that way led back to drugs and alcohol. Somehow after an incident, I was being seen as a patient by a doctor near to me. Things seem to get better. I met this girl and we were married. She is my honey, sweet to my soul. She has stuck with me all those horrible years.
I finally admitted to myself that I was sick and I needed some help, so I starting seeing a doctor in the city. I was taking all kinds of meds. At this time, I was working as an electrician in a manufacturing company. I knew one thing I had to quit the meds (for my job was dangerous). I ended back at a drug rehab center.
I had already spent six times by now at rehab centers with no luck. I finally accepted the bi-polar disease and went back on meds. This went on for many years until I finally knew what my problem really was. I had a hole in my heart as big as a black hole in the universe. I had to fill it and I did.
I found some hope. I started going to church and was getting much better. I could handle my meds and work too, but that would soon stop again. After the 10th time in a rehab center, I had a doctor to ask me two questions. The questions were this: “What do you want us to do for you here and what do you want to get out of your stay here.” I didn’t know what to say. I finally admitted I didn’t know. And that is when I knew it was spiritual and not all physical. I needed my first love back and he was Jesus Christ.